When it came to love, I used to follow an unspoken rule: never say "I love you" first.
It felt like a protective shield, a way to stay in control and avoid any chance of seeming foolish or, worse, overly needy. I held back, waiting for the other person to make the first move, finding security in their vulnerability.
I reserved my vulnerability for that moment when I'd find "the one".
But here's what I didn’t realize: being vulnerable is how you find “the one”.
Real connections often thrive on vulnerability. And get this – the path to resolving intimacy issues? It's actually paved with, you guessed it, real intimacy.
Growing up in an East Asian household, I wasn’t exposed to a lot of affectionate emotion. I've always been cautious, carefully guarding my heart and hesitant to fully dive in.
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But lately, I've been trying something new: I'm learning to stay still.
This means being fully present. Letting moments linger, allowing myself to stay open without rushing to label or knee-jerk react out of fear. This means allowing myself to be fully seen, without closing up, running away, or shutting down. It's uncharted territory, at times deeply uncomfortable.
But it feels more genuine, more tender, and, interestingly, more clear.
Relationships are invitations to evolve something within us.
When we drop our defenses with others, we also shed the masks we wear for ourselves. By being open, honest, and genuine, we find harmony within our own core. This kind of genuine connection isn't just about being close to someone else; it's about getting closer to our True Self.
Closer to Divine.
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So, if you're wondering what happened, yes, I mustered the courage to say "I love you" first. And no, it didn't unfold as I hoped or expected.
But that’s not the point.
What I arrived to is something deeper.
I found a deep sense of clarity and authenticity, a calmness within my soul. It's not about how the other person reacted; it's about aligning with my own truth, regardless of the outcome. Intimacy, I've learned, is how love flows, no matter what the result is.
And when you think about it, isn't that what it's all about?
Tiffany May Yan Chan is a Spiritual Advisor to Visionary Leaders.
To learn more about her work, visit her website: www.tiffanymchan.com.
Really nice!!!