I used to think I was being generous.
What I really was… was scared.
Not scared in the obvious way.
Not visibly anxious or overwhelmed.
I was the kind of scared that hides inside competence.
Inside caregiving.
Inside being the one who shows up, holds space, and never asks for much in return.
You know the type.
I was the one who brought tea to the friend crying on the couch.
Who remembered food allergies.
Who texted after the hard conversation to say, “I’m here for you.”
I knew how to love well.
And I liked that about myself. Still do.
But I had to face something I didn’t want to admit:
I never let anyone do those things for me.
Not really.
When I was the one unraveling, I’d go quiet.
When someone asked how I was doing, I’d say, “I’m good, just tired,”
then flip the conversation back to them.
I didn’t know how to receive without guilt.
Without immediately trying to repay it.
Without wondering if being supported would make me seem less…admirable.
I told myself:
I don’t want to burden anyone.
Other people have enough going on.
I’m the strong one. I can handle it.
And some of that was true.
But beneath it?
It wasn’t just fear.
It was control.
If I was always the giver, I stayed in charge.
No one had to see where I felt lost or needed more.
And maybe the hardest truth?
I didn’t have to risk being let down.
Because if I never asked, no one could say no.
If I never opened, no one could leave.
If I never let anyone in, I never had to find out if they’d stay.
That’s what control protected me from:
Disappointment.
Vulnerability.
The grief of unmet need.
It looked like love.
But it was self-protection, beautifully disguised.
And eventually, that protection became a cage.
Here’s the thing:
Real love is reciprocal.
It doesn’t wait until you’re polished or impressive.
It meets you where you’re honest. Soft. Unscripted.
Letting people in before everything is tidy? That’s the work.
Letting yourself be loved when you’re not offering anything but yourself? That’s intimacy.
So if you’re the strong one, the space-holder, the “always have it together” one…
Here’s your invitation:
Where in your life are you giving to avoid being seen?
And what would it take to let yourself be held, without needing to earn it?
Let it be messy.
Let it be uneven.
Let it be real.
Give people the opportunity to love you.
Not because of what you’ve done.
But because you’re ready to be known.
When you’re ready, I can support you in two ways:
Akashic Records Sessions
Get clarity on what matters most.
Private Mentoring
For those on the path of spiritual expansion.
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The reminder to let go of my fear of being a burden is deeply resonant. And the way that fear nestles inside of the fear of being let down is a big ah-ha. Thanks for these catalytic words.