Do you downplay your desires, for the sake of compromise?
So often, we compromise our ideals because we don't want to be a pain. We think that we can't ask for things because it would be "too much", people will think I'm "too difficult", or "it's not that big of a deal".
Here's what we fail to realize:
*Lying about what you want, hurts all parties involved.*
Integrity matters.
And when you downplay what you want, you're lying to your partner, and you're lying to yourself. These little white lies are leaks in our energy, compromising our integrity and signaling how we value ourselves.
Here's a different approach:
*Be clean and clear about what you want.*
This gives transparency on what's really going on. And if you need to realign based on other's needs, that's ok. But be clear about your needs, and more importantly, be clear about your unmet needs, and how they might be addressed.
By being honest with your desires, all parties know exactly what's at stake.
Here's how to start:
**Ask for 100% of what you want, 100% of the time.**
When I was consulting, I really wanted a specific daily rate. I knew I had the smarts, the network, and the ability to deliver. But I was afraid the ask would be too much. So I downplayed the ask, and I wasn't faithful to what I wanted.
Here's what went down:
• I asked for 80%
• They countered with 60%
• We ended at 50%
I was so disappointed.
The financial downside is obvious. But the real cost was my integrity. While I delivered on the project, I spent the entire time feeling resentful.
Not good.
I'm a firm believer that how you do one thing is how you do everything and began to wonder where else does this pattern show up in my life? So I began to focus on all the times I asked for less than what I wanted.
It was astounding.
• I asked for a tall, when I wanted a grande
• I asked to reschedule, when I didn't want to meet
• I asked for the Director, when I really needed the the CEO
So often, we settle before we even start; clipping our wings before attempting to fly.
It's time to fly.
Hi, I’m Tiffany May Yan Chan, and I work with extraordinary leaders on the spiritual path. When I’m not writing, I teach visionaries how to make wise decisions and take courageous action. If you’re interested, apply to work 1:1 and we’ll jump on a call and see if we’re a good fit.