After 3 years of abstinence, I tried drinking again.
Here’s what I learned:
I still love martinis.
I love the feel of the glass. And I love the artistry of a perfectly crafted cocktail.
In fact, one of my favorite activities is sipping a proper martini at an old hotel bar.
And for most of my career, I’ve attended events with open bars and top-shelf liquor. Alcohol has often been a reliable social lubricant and a natural gateway to networking. So you can imagine my hesitancy back in the day, when I sensed I should dial back.
That sensation started small, like a light tap on the shoulder, but gradually grew more intense. The increasingly rough hangovers finally tipped the scales. To be clear, this wasn’t an overnight decision. Nor was it something I declared from the top of a mountain. It was just a gradual process of habit change.
Abstinence from anything is an extremely personal decision, and for me, it made the most sense at that time.
***
Fast forward to today.
After years of living an essentially monastic lifestyle, I’m reintegrating back into society. As part of my process, I’m reevaluating all of my life choices. I’m figuring out what fits, what’s no longer relevant, and choosing what commitments I should double down on.
So, recently, I gave myself a week to start drinking again.
Here’s what I learned:
Drinking can still be fun: I mean, there's a reason why people enjoy it, right? I get it. Usually, I'm a fun person, but with a few drinks in me, I’m A LOT of fun. I really enjoy the experience, and I like the camaraderie it sparks.
I develop a hazy connection to Spirit: We’re always connected to Spirit. But I notice that when I drink, my antenna gets fuzzy. In my work, I always strive to be a clear channel, directly plugged into the highest and purest energy source. As much as I enjoy having a drink, the uncertainty of what I’m connecting to, and the impact on my connection to Source, makes me uneasy.
I unmask different sides of my personality: When I'm tipsy, I’m an outgoing version of myself – I'm the life of the party, the first one to hit the dance floor, and I will talk to anyone. But here's the kicker – there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. After a drink or two, I can easily become brazen. And that's not who I strive to be. While the 'me' I become after a drink is more pronounced, it lacks the genuine essence that truly defines who I am.
A renewed sense of responsibility: I take my job seriously, and a lot of folks rely on me. The thing is, when I drink, I'm not at my absolute best and I can’t be fully available. Similar to many doctors and pilots, I chose not to meet with clients if I drank within the past 24 hours. Drinking puts me out of commission for extended periods of time. And with the world spinning with activity, it just doesn't feel right.
***
Here's where I've landed:
I've decided to take a break from drinking once again.
Will this hiatus last forever? Who knows.
I think it's important to keep checking in and see if the choices I’ve made still align with the life I’m living.
As I return to abstinence, I’m committed to exploring why parts of my personality show up when I'm tipsy.
How can I embrace the livelier, bolder, more outgoing sides of myself, without relying on alcohol?
How can I radically accept the Tiffany of yesteryear that would brazenly challenge anyone to a guzzling match?
Can I transform that brazenness into a more productive and healthy assertiveness?
I'm also considering how to genuinely love the less polished parts of who I am and integrate my untamed self.
It’s not about refraining from a substance but embracing a more enriched version of myself.
***
So it begs the question, can you be spiritual and still drink?
Only you can know the answer.
It’s no secret that alcohol hinders the clarity and focus required for deep spiritual practices. But ultimately, living a spiritual life means being in alignment with your True Self. While alcohol may create some hurdles for some people, it doesn’t have to completely derail another’s spiritual progress.
The path looks different for everyone.
And for me, right now, it means opting for a cranberry seltzer at the hotel bar — or maybe even a martini mocktail :)
Who’s buying?